Mediation West

Compassionate Language

admin — Mon, 09 May 2011 22:05:50 +0000

Event -> Curiosity/clarification -> Understanding

Resolution Achieved Through:

Observation w/o judgment -> Identification of feelings and needs

(yours and others) -> Offering requests rather than issuing demands

Seeks to understand

Identifies feelings and needs rather than identifying people by labels

Draws people together by building on common ground—Human Needs

Intrinsic process based on enriching own life, seeking joy and meaning

Personal willingness rather than “have to” in order to please

Separates the person from the behavior or “the deed from the doer”

Based on the understanding that we are all the same—Humanizing process

Assumes that lessons are learned based on personal enrichment

Deescalates anger by addressing feelings and needs

Promotes long-term change based on internal willingness—deeper level of trust in observed change

Solutions are selected to address needs of all involved

Communication Strategies

admin — Mon, 09 May 2011 21:52:39 +0000

Clarifying Questions

(Support communication and opportunities to deepen understanding)

“Would you tell me more about…”

“What will this mean to you?”

“Could you give me some examples of what you mean?”

“I hear you saying…, is that right?”

“How did that impact you?”

“What do you need in order to feel better about this?”

Communication Stoppers

(Tend to block communication by increasing defensiveness)

Ordering: “Don’t talk like that.”

Warning: “If you do that…”

Moralizing: “You ought/should…”

Advising: “I suggest that…”

Reason With: “Let’s look at the facts…”

Using Praise: “You have the ability…”

Judging: “You are wrong about that.”

Name Calling: “You are acting childish”

Diagnosing: “You feel that way because.”

Reassuring: “Everyone feels that way.”

Distracting: “Let’s talk about something else.”

Indirect or open ended questions

Allow for broad, flexible responses

Obtain more information

Better understanding of what is of importance to other

Direct questions

Very specific in information to be obtained

Often answered simply or with a “yes” or “no” response

May be experienced as a cross-examination, raising defenses

Summarizing

Pull together important facts

Establishes a basis for further discussion

Organizes thoughts

Offers your understanding of the key points for further clarification if needed

Reviews progress

Ex. “These seem to be the key ideas you express…”

Ex. “The points that you have raised so far are…”

Acknowledging

Offered to let the speaker know that you heard what was said

You understood the intensity of the emotion behind the words

You understood the factual content of the message.

Encourages the speaker to say more.

Builds empathy and trust

Reframing

To rephrase the words of another so that they can be heard differently

Increase or decrease the level of emotion in content of words

To remove value-laden language

The basics

admin — Mon, 09 May 2011 16:32:27 +0000

Mediation is a problem-solving process available to people in conflict in which a mediator, who does not take sides, provides expertise that enables the parties to discover and reach their own agreement.

Mediation for families

admin — Mon, 09 May 2011 14:30:43 +0000

Whether mediation is court ordered, advised by counsel or individually sought out, it is a voluntary process. When a party contacts Mediation West, staff obtains contact information and listens to the problem, gives information about mediation, and assesses the matter for appropriateness for mediation. Then a letter is sent to the responding party inviting him or her to participate in mediation. We usually wait 10-14 days before we contact the responding party if we have not heard from them regarding their interest in participating. After contact is established with that party an individual private session is conducted and if it is appropriate to move forward, mediators are assigned to the case and mediation is scheduled.

In family cases, the purpose of mediation is to develop a Parenting Plan for the children. Mediation is more meaningful when the parties have a clear understanding of the differences between litigation and mediation. The primary role of the Mediator is to build a foundation of collaborative communication between the parties to support the parenting of their children. Every plan is designed and crafted to suit the needs of each individual family. Because the parenting plan is based on the desires of the parents and the knowledge of their family, they are more invested and more likely to follow through with implementation of the plan.

It is known that the chances for success increases when both parties respect each other. In mediation we encourage the individuals to come with an open mind, flexibility and the desire to work together to create a plan that will satisfy both parents.

Mediators will guide the discussion while allowing the participants to develop their own ideas and suggestions rather than determining the outcome for them. Mediators do not judge the conversation, the relationship or what has brought the parties to the table. Mediators accept the parties where they are now and help them identify their needs and interests so that they might know and understand what is in the best interest of their children.

While mediation may be court ordered, it remains a voluntary process. Despite the legislative mandate, not all individuals are capable of mediating; and not all cases are appropriate for mediation. Mediation West has developed a thorough screening process to assess the safety of the participants, their ability to negotiate, and their interest in reaching a resolution that satisfies both parents.

Training Basics

admin — Mon, 09 May 2011 06:12:56 +0000

Basic Mediation Training entails a minimum of 30 instructional hours, generally taught over a four day period. The training is a balance of theory and practice, and focuses on a facilitative style of mediation where the parties meet together unless the mediator separates them for short periods of time. Trainers use diverse teaching methods including classroom-style presentations, demonstration role plays, videos, active learning exercises, and outside readings. Trainers utilize the ODR Basic Training Manual that offers a comprehensive background to the units taught. The manual addresses specific Nebraska statutes and Nebraska’s ethical standards for mediators. During training there are several opportunities to role play simulated mediation sessions. All role players are provided feedback from experienced mediator/coaches in 4:1 ratio.

When to Start Mediation

admin — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:10:18 +0000

Mediation may benefit you if a conflict is affecting your health, your sleep, your appetite, your well-being, your safety, your security, your finances, your employment or job performance, your relationships or any other basic human need.

Mediation may benefit you if a conflict is affecting your feelings and you feel tense, anxious, nervous, depressed, angry, frustrated, or other negative emotions and feelings.

Try mediation first before the conflict grows out of proportion and before filing a lawsuit.

What is Mediation

admin — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:08:38 +0000

Mediation is a process that brings two or more parties together to resolve their dispute though negotiation. It is not arbitration or a court of law. It is a process that focuses on developing alternatives for resolving disputes. The mediator does not decide the issues for the parties, but encourages them to reach mutually agreeable solutions.